The best in her; the worst in me
Mental health was something that until a few years ago I was lucky enough to have never experienced directly – I didn’t come from a mental health background and was quite happy to be naïve about it as I didn’t think it affected me. That changed however.
I’ve always admired the way my mum (Ma) has handled herself - she is undoubtedly the strongest person I’ve ever met, loving and always seemed able to carry whatever weight was put on her. But my true appreciation of this didn’t really hit me until her sister was sectioned under the Mental Health Act nearly 5 years ago. I watched someone who has already faced her fair share deal with a shit situation in a way that to this day I’m amazed and moved by.
As she always has, she took the news that her sister was sectioned in her stride, mostly unfazed, and opened herself up every and anyway she could. She became the rock for everyone without hesitation. She fights constantly for her sister to get the treatment that she needs (7 moves in 5 years; multiple diagnosis’s), she cared for a second family, she taxi’s (credit to my dad too) her mum to visit all whilst holding her own but never being afraid to talk about it.
I suppose the reason for writing this was twofold. One because one day I’ll be brave enough to show Ma this so she knows how much I admire her and how proud I am. Two because she reacted exactly the way, in hindsight, I wish I had. She opened herself up, was honest with how it made her feel and became available to whoever, whenever. I didn’t. I went the other way and closed off, refused to acknowledge it and in my worst moments viewed it as someone not being strong enough. I viewed mental health as a weakness – I was a prime example of a culture that has taught men that its not ok to talk about what bothers you or show how you feel. I did what I tend to do in situations I don’t like and said ‘it is what it is’ and pretended like it didn’t happen.
It wasn’t until I visited, about 2 ½ years ago, that I truly appreciated the realness and effects that mental health conditions have on people and the families of those involved. Mental health is not a weakness it, in its many forms, is a real condition that should be treated the same as any illness.
Whilst, having visited, I appreciated the severity of mental heath conditions and the challenges they present it wasn’t until March of this year that I came to terms with the fact that it is not something to be hidden (I could count on a one hand the people I’d told in 5 years) rather something that open discussion is healthy and helpful. The stigma of talking about mental health is an obstacle that is hopefully being removed with time and those that I had told were incredibly supportive. Once I was more open with it the reaction was amazing and heartening to see. Being honest about it helped so much and I regret not doing it earlier; not being my mum who recognised that opening herself up not only helped herself but others.
People deal with situations very differently and reach a point at different times but if you can be more like Ma – try to - because her ability to be available has and continues to help so many.
If I’ve learnt anything and god damn it took long enough it’s that its ok to feel it, its ok to take time to yourself to try and work it out, but mainly that talking about it helps. People can surprise you in the best of ways.